Thursday, September 27, 2007

Alone (but not lonely) "with" Disturbia

Twice this week that I was able to watch movies out of the thoughtfulness of a comrade through his spare complimentary tickets. I had to monitor an advertisement by the government if it’s being aired at the cinema, in return. I grabbed the ticket, because I also wanted to watch, and it’s my time to unwind after last week’s tedious travel in the awesome Benguet mountains, I thought. I joined the team of the regional committee for the welfare of children in site validation for the implementation of the early childhood care and development program, checking if the local government units are pursuing their proposed investment plans for the protection, survival, development and needs of the children. I hope I could share more stories about my 4-day mountain escapades :)

Going back, I didn’t mind going alone at the cinema, for I usually do it being an introvert. (It’s a given hint to somebody who wants to find out how boring your life would be in my company, hahaha…seriously kidding). So I proceeded to the cinema house alone, and I was welcomed by empty seats at both chambers. That was my first ever experience to watch a movie with an audience I could count with my fingers. Even if I include the roaming guard and the lady attendant, the number would still be countable within ten seconds, still an overstatement I guess. And mind you, it’s not even a last full show.

And what do you think I did that night? Of course, I sat comfortably, laid my back like a boss, and enjoyed my solitude with SM’s silver screen. The show must go on, haha. I just considered it an exciting yet peculiar experience, watching alone a suspense-thriller genre, with characters spying others and bloody-hell scenes in succession. Don’t get me wrong and don’t worry, the Uses and Gratification theory is no work on me :)

I went home walking and chuckling with my uncanny experience, while breathing in and out the misty bliss of Baguio in a cold, lonely night, that was tooooo lovely to resist. hmmm :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Is Jesus sometimes hesitant to reveal who He really is?

Reflecting on the first miracle of Christ – the turning of water into wine (John 2:1-11) – I got hooked with Jesus’ hesitancy on proving His deity and glory to the people around him at once. During that wedding when the master had run out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to him “they have no more wine,” but Jesus’ statement “Why do you involve me, my time has not yet come” appeared to be antithetical at first. But the Lord had its course to involve in that shortage of wine. And in His directives, the servants obeyed Him, and the water turned into wine, His glory manifested, His sovereignty ruled, His power exemplified.

I know there are other truths and insights that we can absorb from this passage. And I’ll let you discover that on your own, for the Word of the Lord speaks afresh in unique ways, individually.

Sometimes, people sense the Lord is not concerned with our affairs, with our problems, with our frustrations. We even set aside Him at the closet when all things are turning well, but when things get worse we begin to search Him and ask His help. How can we expect Him to involve in our affairs, when we ourselves isolate Him from the core? Could we expect God to lend a helping hand, when both our hands are holding something (or someone) else? To make it more personal, could I expect God to grant my request when I do the things that upset Him? But despite my inconsistencies, the Lord surprises me always, proving time and again that he is gracious and never disowns His faithfulness.

I never searched God actually; He found me, and to be found by Him is my forever gratitude. The Lord can actually save and bring us instantly to the perfect relationship human had enjoyed before. But man rebelled against Him, persistently choosing his own way, and thus sin enters the humanity, making us all polluted, corrupted, and condemned. Yet, the Lord never forsakes us. He gave Christ, His only begotten Son, for our redemption, and those who believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. He did His part, and He is just waiting for us, for you, to come to Him.

When it seems the Lord is hesitant to reveal himself to you, trust Him more, his hands, his heart. Maybe He is not the one who is hesitant, but you. Just come to Him, and He will accept you. I guarantee you :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Bluebook revisited

I was nervously excited last week’s midterm exam. I was nervous in the sense that I felt unequipped to take the exam for lack of review preparation, and excited because after a year I was again using the bluebook – a witness of my academic journey. My professor’s words “I expect a graduate essay” did not help much to ease my tension. I was just enlightened upon hearing that it would be in essay form. Teachers are more gracious in essay exam, I thought, based on my experience :)

The UP’s bluebook has been a silent spectator of my pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. I experienced both failure and euphoria with the result of my exams. But never in my college life that I consider bluebook’s result as the prime indicator of someone’s intellect. Though I believe in the concept of excellence, aiming for it would be my lifetime struggle. I am a certified patient of this disease called cramming, and this is where I usually abuse the grace of the Lord. Avoiding it is also my favorite resolution which has never been absolutely phased out in my discipline. This is beyond a graduate school’s requirement, and when I surpass this I will definitely end up excellent in my graduate studies for the glory of God. More power to me :)

I finished the test before the time expired, but I was still the last exam taker. My classmates were better off with their answers, I thought. Then my professor gave the result of my first critical paper, and all I did was to praise the Lord for the grade of 2, the lowest grade, I suspect, for his standard. Though I was in remorse state because I got the lowest mark, this challenged me to do better next time. There was no one to blame but myself, my procrastination.

I walked away affirming that God has been good to me, so good that His grace enough for that day had been abused by me. “How long, O Lord, will You tolerate me?” With the glorious riches of His grace and mercies, I am afraid though with the consequence of my action…

Monday, September 03, 2007

Laconic Rest

After my Saturday class, I was up to go home in Pangasinan to see my family. But I seemed to be chasing after time since it’s almost 6:30pm, and I should be in Dagupan on or before 8pm, the last trip for me to reach home. By then, I was experientially calculating the time if I could beat the last trip, or else, I would pay the tricycle ride with a fare higher than my fare from Baguio to Dagupan, plus the nuisances of wandering at night in a tranquil, imperturbable ambience of my beloved province. (Those who hail from the provinces can attest that the night mode differs in urban cities).

I was also thinking of my laundry works, the church service, the short time that I would be spending when I get home, etcetera, but I was reminded that it’s almost a month now since I saw my family. And that urge to see them made me a risk taker once again. Stop explaining and making sense of everything, I said to myself. Don’t let circumstances, even the rain, hinder me to do things I want and love to do, I thought.

When it’s time for the van to move, I just uttered a short prayer of asking God His traveling mercies. And I took a nap, expecting that I would be asleep right away, so that I wouldn’t mind the passing time. And the Lord provided the last bus, with more empty seats waiting to be filled up. Praise the Lord! I reached home by 9:30pm, awaking my mother to her surprise that I was home (I didn’t text them by the way that I would go home:)), and we began chit-chatting tersely. Then the night covered the night…hehehe

Sunday was a rest day indeed. My time with my family was a refreshing break from my ever-loaded routine in Baguio. Though I stayed only one night and 12 hours at home, I appreciate the ‘breathing’ the Lord gave that time. I have also put myself in contemplation whether by next year, I would move on serving and working here in the Urduja land. To wait is the answer, I believe.

I traveled back to Baguio late Sunday night. I was welcomed both by the misty bliss of Baguio and my board mates having their drinking spree. They’re having an interesting discourse over the statement: “In every answer, there’s a question, and vice-versa.” I thought before sleeping ahead, “at least, they’re talking philosophically and in quest of truth and answers.”