Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Provisions in perfect timing

I praise the Lord in the nth power for his ever faithful character. He really rocks! I once again experienced His great provisions lately, proving time and again that He never fails in times of need (Psalm 46:1). Financially, I was having hard times budgeting my meager resources, but He meets my needs in perfect times. He has taught and is teaching me to give until it hurts, and by so doing, my understanding of His abundance and infinite vessels strengthens my relationship with Him. Since all things come from Him, He deserves everything, and all my giving is just a memento of my nothingness when Christ is absent. I praise the Lord for His glorious riches.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Missing Moments

One year or so had passed since the five of us committed ourselves to stay in Baguio for volunteer work as campus ministers in the student world. It was a decision worth a million thought, a myriad pressing factor to consider.

We are fondly called by our young adings as the council of elders in an “exclusive varsity group” in UP Baguio. I am not really sure how and why they came up with such a tag, as we are just one or two years ahead of them. Anyhow, we just let the label sway them towards us, to build each other’s up. We know that whatever accolade we receive, we owe it to our predecessors’ righteous examples.

I want to call our group of two boys and three girls as Voltes V. I hope they permit me so. And I want to say I miss them.

We graduated last year. Three Voltes V members graduated with flying colors, the one got the highest honor in our batch. And I am proud of them.

I want to work in the best TV network in the country, or as a correspondent in PDI. The Manila girl just wants to become “famous.” The magna cum laude is happy to become a flight stewardess. Searching for her Mr. Right from Bataan is excited to work in a cruise ship abroad. I’m not sure what’s the dream of my generous roommate. I think he wants to become a family man. I remember, I promised him to become my bestman when I get married. I wonder my utterance’s seriousness, hehe.

We are the Voltes V. And we all decided to stay in Baguio until our committed time expires. We responded to the call to serve God, to reach out students for Christ, to be volunteer campus ministers.

Our dreams are not forgotten. Let’s just say that our dreams need to wait. Besides, dreams vary.

The volunteer “work” is the work that we used to enjoy during our college life. We share the Gospel to the students and we study the Bible with them. We dance and sing, we play Dutch blitz, pictionary, cluedo, pinoy henyo, we eat fish crackers and cinnamon, and we wake up at daybreak for morning prayer. We spend time together, and we don’t sleep sometimes.

What else? Oh, we cry together, as in the wailing type, because of shame, guilt, and one’s confession of sin. We cry gently when we ask forgiveness and when we are forgiven. We cry when we hurt someone and when we feel disappointed. We cry when we miss the Lord.

But we also laugh. We laugh when someone throws a joke. We laugh when someone mimics someone’s action and mannerism. We laugh when someone laughs.

We also keep quiet when the Lord laughs at our disaster. We shut our mouth when silence is the only solution to our problems. We listen. We sleep when we’re tired.

Those are few things we did during our college days, and that’s what we did and experienced for the past year (or half year for others), with our volunteer work.

The Voltes V has parted ways gradually. The first to leave the team in October last year has gone to China to work. But she’s back last June as instructor in UP Baguio. The Manila girl, who lasted her commitment in December, now works in an elite catering service. She’s on her way of becoming famous now.

The girl who’s searching for her Mr. Right moved on for good last March, as she waits in Bataan for her cruise ship work abroad. My roommate, after a year of working in a weekly newspaper, went home in Isabela to rest. He needs it most. He’s now teaching in a high school academy there. I plan to move on next year.

The Voltes V is no longer complete. The time when we cried and laughed together, the time when we rebuked and affirmed each other, have come to pass. The troubles that we’ve been through like the conflict of interest in matters of love and decisions have created a breach in our friendship. But it didn’t kill the friendship.

Our commitment to serve and live for the pleasure of God lives on. Though we’re now separated by distance, the ministry of caring to students through the sharing of God’s love continues in our own ways. Our friendship, anchored in God’s love, would be revisited. I believe.

When they come to read this, they would remember the Voltes V. They would remember everything we’ve been through as Voltes V. And maybe, tears would flow down because the “missing moment” pierces their heart. Nauna na akong lumuha...

Monday, August 06, 2007

Lack of sense of purpose and focus

I was walking downrightly flabby the past weeks - walking without sense of purpose, and striding the way without focus. I was dealing on this toughly that I overtook the gentle, loving hands of God to guide and lead me in the right way. I ended up struggling with my very feet, gasping for help, and was hopelessly helpless at that.

I identified the problem, and the problem was deep inside me. I was looking for other satisfaction and love outside the destined will of the Lord, which I now face as consequence. (Details withheld, not so matter-of-life-and-death actually, but crucial when left unsettled). I really need help to rise up again as fiery, armored Christian soldier. The battle of life and ministry are awaiting for completion, and that would take a lifetime. I need a broken heart willing to be comforted, for my flesh persists to turn back at my old ways. I need a wrestling experience which I honestly feared of because I am a coward and I may not contain it. But I believe I need it, very badly.

I have confessed it to the Lord, and I wonder if I need more confession. Maybe I should confess more, to see more His forgiveness. Maybe I should pray more to see His holiness. Maybe I should seek Him more to see His face. And that’s what I long for, and intend to do. Join me please:) Thank you and be blessed:)