After quite a long time of making myself busy for various activities, I realized I am in a hurry. It seems I was trying to outrun God, which I can never do. I was dealing with my plans like a solo fighter, forgetting that without Him, everything would be in misery. Though I win in a battle, my victory is nothing without Him as my commander.
But I’m back; You brought me back to my senses. I delighted in times of moving on to something new, something prestigious, something good. I delighted in reaching my goals. I forgot my present which is all that matters. I am just thankful that God puts restraint and limits to such basking, because it’s silently crushing my character and stance on clinging to His will. I was tempted to force God to instantly grant my heart’s desire, which is an insult to His sovereignty. Who am I to talk to my potter? (Batok na naman:)).
I praise God I am always a recipient of His grace, unmerited favor granted to those undeserved. Only those who are undeserved, including myself for being a sinner, are candidates for receiving His grace. And I am forever grateful that my God is gracious and loving, holy and just. It is the acceptance of being nothing apart from God that makes people experience the savoring grace of the Lord.
I really admit that I am ambitious, and I believe the Lord understands my heart’s desire. He even knows what’s best for me, so when it seems God is delaying something, it doesn’t mean He is denying it. Rather, He’s teaching me to trust in Him, to be patient, to learn the process of growth, to love him still and still.
And as I wait for that day of reckoning tomorrow, never will I say “God, make me patient, and please do it now!” †