Lack of sense of purpose and focus

I was walking downrightly flabby the past weeks - walking without sense of purpose, and striding the way without focus. I was dealing on this toughly that I overtook the gentle, loving hands of God to guide and lead me in the right way. I ended up struggling with my very feet, gasping for help, and was hopelessly helpless at that.

I identified the problem, and the problem was deep inside me. I was looking for other satisfaction and love outside the destined will of the Lord, which I now face as consequence. (Details withheld, not so matter-of-life-and-death actually, but crucial when left unsettled). I really need help to rise up again as fiery, armored Christian soldier. The battle of life and ministry are awaiting for completion, and that would take a lifetime. I need a broken heart willing to be comforted, for my flesh persists to turn back at my old ways. I need a wrestling experience which I honestly feared of because I am a coward and I may not contain it. But I believe I need it, very badly.

I have confessed it to the Lord, and I wonder if I need more confession. Maybe I should confess more, to see more His forgiveness. Maybe I should pray more to see His holiness. Maybe I should seek Him more to see His face. And that’s what I long for, and intend to do. Join me please:) Thank you and be blessed:)

Persistent Mind of Mine

“A surrendered mind is not one which is no longer in operation. It is, rather, a mind freed from rebellion and opposition. To be Christ's captive is to be perfectly free.”
An e xcerpt from Surrender Every Thought by Elisabeth Elliot

This is one of my weaknesses in putting everything in God’s authority. My mind is always on rebellion and opposition especially when I become critical of certain things or events. I find it hard to submit especially when I think of things as irrelevant, unfit and unhealthy. Sometimes, it really goes beyond ignoring the request of older brethren, or worse, what the Lord wants me to do. I tend to be disobedient because I depend on my rational thinking, my value judgment of what is right or wrong, overshadowing the will of the Lord.

Acknowledging that a surrendered mind is a mind freed from rebellion and opposition, searching the attitude of my heart is a must. (Heart beats wisely than the impulse of the mind, I trust). I believe that if I know what makes God happy, and what He wants me to do, even if it seems uneasy, by all means I should obey. This is to blame my forgetfulness that the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength (1 Cor. 1:25).

He knows all the best, better than my concept of excellence. I just pray that my mind be always guarded from deceptive fantasies around. Dupe me not…†

Grace That Heals

I was overwhelmed with the sharing of my churchmates about their lives and their personal journey with the Lord. If people won't understand them, they will continue to be misinterpreted and they will feel all-trampled in the ground, with nobody to lift them up. But I can see all the more the grace and glory of the Lord, when they shared their weaknesses and how they tried to stand up again. Some of them have not forgiven theirselves yet, thinking about the unimaginable charge of sin that they have committed. Yes, the consequences are visibly manifested, but one great move that they did was to open it up to people whom they can trust. They have accepted their wrongs, as everybody has, and what is important is the way they plead for the grace and mercy of the Lord. And people like them, like us, like me, who are vulnerable in sinning and committing sins need each other for comfort, encouragement, and prayers. We need all the tap, the hug, the affirmation, the rebuke, the life of others. And one awesome truth in life is that we are loved by Jesus, with His blood, death, and resurrection, that we can be healed in whatever wounds that are inflicted in our very being. You and I are loved by God. And my churchmates who are melancholically repenting for what they've done are on their toes and knees to rising up. "The grace of the Lord is sufficient for them (us)."

The Irony of God

Ang Balintuna ng Bathala

Hindi ako makalapit sa ‘yo.
Ang liwanag mo’y walang kasing itim kahit ako’y nakapikit.
Ang mukha mo’y nakasisilaw kahit ako’y nakapiring.
Ang tinig mo’y nakakawala ng katinuan kahit ako’y nakatalikod.

Hindi kita magawang yakapin.
Ang init mo’y niyebe sa lamig na nananakot sa balahibong nahimbing.
Ang pawis mong kapag tumagas ay nakalulusaw ng damdamin.
Isa kang talim na nakamamatay.

Hindi ko kayang mahalin ka.
Ang pangangailangan mo’y hindi nangangailangan.
Ang kahinaan mo’y katumbas ng aking kaluluwa.
Ang anino mo’y aking kasaysayan.

Ako’y nagmamakaawa, lumuluhod, tumatangis, nanlilimos ng awa.
Hayaan mong ako’y makalapit.
Pagbigyan mo akong sunggaban ka ng yakap.
Palayain mo ang lakas ng pag-ibig.

“Naganap na!”
Lumapit ka.
Yayakapin kita.
Mahal ko. *** Alf®

This poem describes myriad ironies people tagged about God. But God is ever gracious and faithful, accepting anyone who believes and trusts in Him as his/her personal Lord and Savior. The last stanza shows the greatest love that Jesus did for me and you. Be blessed:)

The Comeback

From now on, I would also use this blog site for my poem entries and other writeups. Creative juices coming up soon:)

Heart's Day

And suddenly...

It's 2007.

The first day of the year had passed.

And it's turning Heart's Day, a time when Saint Valentinus showed martyrdom, sticking to His conviction and belief. The Heart's Day was named after him:) but motivated by his faith in Jesus Christ. Thus I would insist to greet everyone who has Christ in them a blessed Christmas, then a Happy Heart's Day:)

Have no date yet?.....hehe:) Me too:)

Merry Christmas:)

Merry Christmas to everyone:) Hope you would have a very blessed Christmas celebration. Hope to hear stories from YOU:)

Email me back

hi there.. someone cares? email me back...:)

My own frailty and God's holiness

The Lord has been putting me in situation where I could see my own frailties and vulnerability for the past days, while seeing more HIS holiness and responding in reverent awe for who HE is. The life journey indeed entails continuous trusting to the One who puts us where we should be according to His infinite wisdom. We may not understand the things that are happening to us, but the Lord is acting and moving sovereignly for our sake. I just want to praise the Lord for keeping me in His hands, lovingly. Halleluiah:)

Hibernation...Boring

Last week has been so boring and I can't help but sleep. Wow, it's an awful hibernation that I was been so unproductive, leaving my precious works unnoticed. How I wish i can discover something new to entertain myself. Anyway, I used to be lonely...but not despearate:) Time to sleep:)