My short government stint has come into halt last January 2008. I resigned with peace and joy in my heart because this has been a result of prayer, a gentle wrestling with the Lord. Main factors involved my desire to give more time with the campus ministry and the master's program that I am learning to love. All other reasons are valid secondaries. Period :)
This time, I am enrolled in what I call exploratory, disciplinary program under the rubrics of spirituality, professionalism, and relationship building. Spirituality involves an integral, holistic approach in life where I expect myself to unify every diverse, fragmented “blueprint” awaiting its discovery and fulfillment. It will bring me to a certain divinity where I won't create any secularity over any mundane activity, but rather recognize that everything is divine when Jesus is in control. I will definitely anticipate a more intimate encounter with my Creator.
Under professionalism, no big deal actually, as I will just try to work part-time as a self-confessed, “desperate” writer and journalist. This will be an experimental stage to test the water, and decide if there is something else my heart longs for. Lately, I'm gaining interest in linguistics, particularly on the development of Pangasinan language, and in making documentaries on children and youth. Teaching in college by June excites me as well. Or perhaps, I could be all around, all at the same time, hahaha. Ambitious me! :) Financially and (theologically) speaking, I am “living by faith.”
What and how I live at present will be my legacy. I want to be remembered as someone who loves the Lord passionately, who blesses others in various ways, who makes people smile, who upholds justice, who is so concerned with youth and children's welfare, who gains satisfaction with the life I live. And when people remember me, only praise and worship to Jesus will be their sweet utterance. And these things will happen if as early as now I develop the edifying process of relationship building. What I will share are the things that I have. I cannot give something that I don't have; but “praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us (me) in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessings in Christ” (Eph. 1:3, NIV).
Will I be able to surpass all these challenging things? By God's grace, love, and providence, Yes! And my springboard at the moment, and for tomorrow's tomorrow, is the peace and joy I have with the Lord. Pray with and for me as well. †
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
The Return of the Comeback
The 70-day vacation of my father will soon be expired on February 14, the date of his flight back to KSA. His riyal-converted-to-dollar reserve is already depleted, and my family is once again on the verge of belt tightening. After happy days come the not-so-happy days, at least for a month.
Like the global economy’s bloodbath scenario brought about by US economic slowdown, my family needs to take a breather and employ all necessary means for recuperation. But with all these things, I praise God for each counted days that we are together as a family.
Christmas, New Year and my sister’s wedding – these are the prime peaks of our family’s revelry. These are as well the major sources of expenses outlaid for such joyful revelries. And who would regret such expenses in exchange of the time spent together as family? Not us.
What the reality speaks of is that his money reserve is not sufficient; so as his vacation time. My family, particularly my father, has not yet entertained the idea of investment and so we can be sustainable in our resources. Of course, I understand his limitation, especially his meager salary as a caretaker. Except for my sister and I who now work independently, (ahemm), my family depends solely on my father’s income. We combine resources together, as much as we could, to withstand the high cost of our youngest’ education expenses.
Another reality is that, we really don’t have savings. And that’s what we should work for now. I, myself, don’t have savings for more than one year that I am working. (Let the poor say I am rich!:)) And I hope this will change for our future’s sake, haha. We should as well learn how to venture in small-scale business, and really be wise in managing what the Lord is giving us.
Time will really come that we will not be dependent on foreign remittances.
To respond to my previous post about my “hope” for my father’s comeback, I would say they were all granted and realized, although not the exact ways and means. Praise GOD (Giver Of Desires) indeed!
First, I have told him I loved him, and every time we talk over the phone, I make it a point to utter that “uncomfortable” yet precious word “I love you.” It really takes practice before that utterance becomes a habit. And I crave to be hooked on that habit and hope it becomes my “disciplined vice.”:) I have also become more expressive to my mother and sister, and appreciative to my two brothers.
My father got the chance to visit me in Baguio and he admitted that money could be spent as easy as chewing “garlic nuts.” What I remember the most during his short visit in Baguio was the time he bathed without heating the water. He appeared to be okay after that fresh bath, but its noticeable it caused him some wobbling effect. Though a denial thing on my father’s part was evident, because according to him it’s colder in Saudi (seasonal), I just chuckled out of respect and said to myself “I love my father for his ‘airy’ remarks.” :)
We also had the chance to be together as a family by going to the nearest and most accessible swimming resort in our town. We opted to go there because we had previous minor accident when we went to San Fabian, a three-town away beach from our town, just after my sister’s wedding. It was a good bonding time anyway, and that’s another granted wish. Praise God!
My father’s flight is fast nearing. I don’t know how long will we wait again for him, but absolutely, we will never cease to love him during his absence. It’s just really sweet to have a father like him. †
Like the global economy’s bloodbath scenario brought about by US economic slowdown, my family needs to take a breather and employ all necessary means for recuperation. But with all these things, I praise God for each counted days that we are together as a family.
Christmas, New Year and my sister’s wedding – these are the prime peaks of our family’s revelry. These are as well the major sources of expenses outlaid for such joyful revelries. And who would regret such expenses in exchange of the time spent together as family? Not us.
What the reality speaks of is that his money reserve is not sufficient; so as his vacation time. My family, particularly my father, has not yet entertained the idea of investment and so we can be sustainable in our resources. Of course, I understand his limitation, especially his meager salary as a caretaker. Except for my sister and I who now work independently, (ahemm), my family depends solely on my father’s income. We combine resources together, as much as we could, to withstand the high cost of our youngest’ education expenses.
Another reality is that, we really don’t have savings. And that’s what we should work for now. I, myself, don’t have savings for more than one year that I am working. (Let the poor say I am rich!:)) And I hope this will change for our future’s sake, haha. We should as well learn how to venture in small-scale business, and really be wise in managing what the Lord is giving us.
Time will really come that we will not be dependent on foreign remittances.
To respond to my previous post about my “hope” for my father’s comeback, I would say they were all granted and realized, although not the exact ways and means. Praise GOD (Giver Of Desires) indeed!
First, I have told him I loved him, and every time we talk over the phone, I make it a point to utter that “uncomfortable” yet precious word “I love you.” It really takes practice before that utterance becomes a habit. And I crave to be hooked on that habit and hope it becomes my “disciplined vice.”:) I have also become more expressive to my mother and sister, and appreciative to my two brothers.
My father got the chance to visit me in Baguio and he admitted that money could be spent as easy as chewing “garlic nuts.” What I remember the most during his short visit in Baguio was the time he bathed without heating the water. He appeared to be okay after that fresh bath, but its noticeable it caused him some wobbling effect. Though a denial thing on my father’s part was evident, because according to him it’s colder in Saudi (seasonal), I just chuckled out of respect and said to myself “I love my father for his ‘airy’ remarks.” :)
We also had the chance to be together as a family by going to the nearest and most accessible swimming resort in our town. We opted to go there because we had previous minor accident when we went to San Fabian, a three-town away beach from our town, just after my sister’s wedding. It was a good bonding time anyway, and that’s another granted wish. Praise God!
My father’s flight is fast nearing. I don’t know how long will we wait again for him, but absolutely, we will never cease to love him during his absence. It’s just really sweet to have a father like him. †
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
A son’s wishful treat for his father
I’m just counting hours for my father’s arrival this week. I am not particular with the exact time of his coming because I will not meet him at the airport anyway. There will also be no placards and exorbitant banners to welcome him. Since the time he left the country, and every time he goes back on intervals, we are not used to join and meet him at the airport.
Perhaps, this is just a mechanism for all of us to avoid emotional outpourings of bidding goodbye or welcoming him, or maybe, for practical reason that we could save money if we don’t join him at the airport. What is important is that we’ll see him home.
His arrival this time would be different. My sister who works in Manila can welcome my father. The history of not meeting him at the airport would be changed, and my sister will be the first one to experience how it feels to welcome our father, fresh and sound. Aside from the Yuletide season, my father will be with us for three months because of my sister’s wedding in January.
He will be one of the thousand, if not million, OFWs to go back to their homeland to spend Christmas and some other important family events. Their comeback is much rejoiced, but their exodus is hard to reckon. I am now calloused to recall the moments without him. And I am even trying hard to reminisce the moments with him. But excitement always dominates the feeling when someone I love is coming.
Thinking him and my bilin of a digicam, I’ve got bunch of suggestions in mind when he arrives that I haven’t told him yet. I will lure him to treat the whole family to visit Baguio where I stay. If that happens, it will be our first get-together as a family outside Pangasinan. I will tour them in places I usually go, introduce them to friends, churchmates, orgmates, and special people who serve as my second family in Baguio.
I will maximize the digicam he had bought for me to take family photos, be it stolen or wacky shots. Or maybe, we’ll just go to the professional photographer to take our first family portrait. And then, since there is a resort about 30-45 minutes away from Baguio, we can go swimming and pamper ourselves with the soothing effect of the hot spring, and the rest of the day would just be perfect.
You see it’s very easy for me to suggest such things, but I know the possibility that it may not happen. But I’ve got plan B at hand just in case the first one fails to happen. However, it would be limited for him alone. If, hopefully, I receive my little bonus from my work in December, I will propose that he stays in Baguio even for three days or a week, my treat, so he could just unwind and see a bit of what life his son is enjoying and enduring in Baguio.
Perhaps, he will understand why I keep on staying in Baguio, not just indulging the freedom of living independently, but because of higher calling of serving God. He will understand why so far I don’t follow his advice for me to work abroad. He will understand why I keep on saying I am still young, and I am not in a hurry to get rich, which is not all that matters. And hopefully, I could say to him that I love him, a phrase I practiced during his absence, solely intended for people I truly love.
On the other hand, I hope to further understand why he keeps going back to Saudi to work aside from financial reason. I hope to hear him speak from the heart what he really wants me to become. I hope to hear from him his plans after he retires from being an overseas worker. I desire to hear from him his stories on raising us up, and how he struggles to overcome the boredom of working far from us. I desire to feel his love skin deep. We haven’t done that ever since.
It was very hard writing this piece. Many times I swallowed my thirst just to control my emotion, just to spare me from looking like a jerk when I cry. Though I treasure the culture of crying because of its healing and edifying effect, the emotion that exudes in remembering the times with and without my father is irreconcilable. I could not blame him for working abroad, but I could not also discount the fact that with his absence, a sense of longing has been cultured in my heart, in our hearts.
With his presence, things would have turned better. He would have been prouder to see me receive academic honors and how I turned out to be a volunteer campus minister. He would have been my younger brother’s best basketball coach. He would have been my older brother’s best pal in giving pieces of advice about fatherhood and parenthood. He would have been my sister’s most appreciative audience when she sings. And he would have been my mother’s comfort, strength and joy in raising the four of us.
Things would have been better during his presence. But it doesn’t mean we cease to love him during his absence. When my father comes, I will really say I love him. And I will not mind crying and looking like a jerk, as some women say of crying men, but I’ll be grateful that God has gifted us a father like him.
I may not be at the airport with all those welcoming paraphernalia, but when I receive my bonus, Pa, how I wish I could treat you. Go up and cool down in Baguio. †
Perhaps, this is just a mechanism for all of us to avoid emotional outpourings of bidding goodbye or welcoming him, or maybe, for practical reason that we could save money if we don’t join him at the airport. What is important is that we’ll see him home.
His arrival this time would be different. My sister who works in Manila can welcome my father. The history of not meeting him at the airport would be changed, and my sister will be the first one to experience how it feels to welcome our father, fresh and sound. Aside from the Yuletide season, my father will be with us for three months because of my sister’s wedding in January.
He will be one of the thousand, if not million, OFWs to go back to their homeland to spend Christmas and some other important family events. Their comeback is much rejoiced, but their exodus is hard to reckon. I am now calloused to recall the moments without him. And I am even trying hard to reminisce the moments with him. But excitement always dominates the feeling when someone I love is coming.
Thinking him and my bilin of a digicam, I’ve got bunch of suggestions in mind when he arrives that I haven’t told him yet. I will lure him to treat the whole family to visit Baguio where I stay. If that happens, it will be our first get-together as a family outside Pangasinan. I will tour them in places I usually go, introduce them to friends, churchmates, orgmates, and special people who serve as my second family in Baguio.
I will maximize the digicam he had bought for me to take family photos, be it stolen or wacky shots. Or maybe, we’ll just go to the professional photographer to take our first family portrait. And then, since there is a resort about 30-45 minutes away from Baguio, we can go swimming and pamper ourselves with the soothing effect of the hot spring, and the rest of the day would just be perfect.
You see it’s very easy for me to suggest such things, but I know the possibility that it may not happen. But I’ve got plan B at hand just in case the first one fails to happen. However, it would be limited for him alone. If, hopefully, I receive my little bonus from my work in December, I will propose that he stays in Baguio even for three days or a week, my treat, so he could just unwind and see a bit of what life his son is enjoying and enduring in Baguio.
Perhaps, he will understand why I keep on staying in Baguio, not just indulging the freedom of living independently, but because of higher calling of serving God. He will understand why so far I don’t follow his advice for me to work abroad. He will understand why I keep on saying I am still young, and I am not in a hurry to get rich, which is not all that matters. And hopefully, I could say to him that I love him, a phrase I practiced during his absence, solely intended for people I truly love.
On the other hand, I hope to further understand why he keeps going back to Saudi to work aside from financial reason. I hope to hear him speak from the heart what he really wants me to become. I hope to hear from him his plans after he retires from being an overseas worker. I desire to hear from him his stories on raising us up, and how he struggles to overcome the boredom of working far from us. I desire to feel his love skin deep. We haven’t done that ever since.
It was very hard writing this piece. Many times I swallowed my thirst just to control my emotion, just to spare me from looking like a jerk when I cry. Though I treasure the culture of crying because of its healing and edifying effect, the emotion that exudes in remembering the times with and without my father is irreconcilable. I could not blame him for working abroad, but I could not also discount the fact that with his absence, a sense of longing has been cultured in my heart, in our hearts.
With his presence, things would have turned better. He would have been prouder to see me receive academic honors and how I turned out to be a volunteer campus minister. He would have been my younger brother’s best basketball coach. He would have been my older brother’s best pal in giving pieces of advice about fatherhood and parenthood. He would have been my sister’s most appreciative audience when she sings. And he would have been my mother’s comfort, strength and joy in raising the four of us.
Things would have been better during his presence. But it doesn’t mean we cease to love him during his absence. When my father comes, I will really say I love him. And I will not mind crying and looking like a jerk, as some women say of crying men, but I’ll be grateful that God has gifted us a father like him.
I may not be at the airport with all those welcoming paraphernalia, but when I receive my bonus, Pa, how I wish I could treat you. Go up and cool down in Baguio. †
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Patience 101
After quite a long time of making myself busy for various activities, I realized I am in a hurry. It seems I was trying to outrun God, which I can never do. I was dealing with my plans like a solo fighter, forgetting that without Him, everything would be in misery. Though I win in a battle, my victory is nothing without Him as my commander.
But I’m back; You brought me back to my senses. I delighted in times of moving on to something new, something prestigious, something good. I delighted in reaching my goals. I forgot my present which is all that matters. I am just thankful that God puts restraint and limits to such basking, because it’s silently crushing my character and stance on clinging to His will. I was tempted to force God to instantly grant my heart’s desire, which is an insult to His sovereignty. Who am I to talk to my potter? (Batok na naman:)).
I praise God I am always a recipient of His grace, unmerited favor granted to those undeserved. Only those who are undeserved, including myself for being a sinner, are candidates for receiving His grace. And I am forever grateful that my God is gracious and loving, holy and just. It is the acceptance of being nothing apart from God that makes people experience the savoring grace of the Lord.
I really admit that I am ambitious, and I believe the Lord understands my heart’s desire. He even knows what’s best for me, so when it seems God is delaying something, it doesn’t mean He is denying it. Rather, He’s teaching me to trust in Him, to be patient, to learn the process of growth, to love him still and still.
And as I wait for that day of reckoning tomorrow, never will I say “God, make me patient, and please do it now!” †
But I’m back; You brought me back to my senses. I delighted in times of moving on to something new, something prestigious, something good. I delighted in reaching my goals. I forgot my present which is all that matters. I am just thankful that God puts restraint and limits to such basking, because it’s silently crushing my character and stance on clinging to His will. I was tempted to force God to instantly grant my heart’s desire, which is an insult to His sovereignty. Who am I to talk to my potter? (Batok na naman:)).
I praise God I am always a recipient of His grace, unmerited favor granted to those undeserved. Only those who are undeserved, including myself for being a sinner, are candidates for receiving His grace. And I am forever grateful that my God is gracious and loving, holy and just. It is the acceptance of being nothing apart from God that makes people experience the savoring grace of the Lord.
I really admit that I am ambitious, and I believe the Lord understands my heart’s desire. He even knows what’s best for me, so when it seems God is delaying something, it doesn’t mean He is denying it. Rather, He’s teaching me to trust in Him, to be patient, to learn the process of growth, to love him still and still.
And as I wait for that day of reckoning tomorrow, never will I say “God, make me patient, and please do it now!” †
Monday, October 15, 2007
Caring for the Environment
“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.” (Psalms 24:1, NIV)
Caring for what the Lord has created manifests an enlightened understanding that we are just trustees and managers of what we have now. Everything we see and use comes from God the Creator, and we have nothing to claim as possession because we don’t own anything. We are born naked, and we’ll go back to Him naked as well.
The mountains, rivers, forests, air, trees, beaches, all good things from the Lord, are blessings given for our use, not for abuse. Whatever abuse that we make, the consequence will hound us, not only the present generation but also the future ones. No wonder we experience creepy disaster, weather change, heat waves, pollution, etc., all because of our negligence.
Of course, I count myself guilty, in one way or another, for the degradation of our environment. It may be my laxity in doing nothing to protect my environment, or worse, my direct, blatant participation in “raping” it for pleasure. But as a redeemed creature of the Lord, and everyone who shares the gift of salvation, we should care for our environment to show that we honor the Creator of these things, as we ourselves are created ones. Our participation in caring and loving our environment through concrete action marks our submission to the Lordship of our Creator, and that we value all things that He values. We are loving Him when we love the good things that He created.
I believe we can do many things in caring for our environment. But I like to mention what I AM doing personally as a simple step in caring for my environment, and I hope you find your way too in practically loving our environment. These may be minute actions, but definitely not futile:
* When I can’t find a trash to dispose my candy wrappers, or any other used materials for that matter, I put them on my pocket, and throw these off when I find one.
* Though I love chewing gums, I despise gluing it anywhere.
* I refuse to put my purchased products in a plastic anymore when I can just put it on my bag, or when I will use it right away. Never mind the tender who looks at me bizarrely.
* I don’t smoke. I breathe smoke, hahaha. (RA 8749 or Philippine Clean Air Act of 1999)
* I segregate my trash (Republic Act 9003 or the Ecological Solidwaste Management Act of 2000 :)
* I don’t cross “over the bakod”. Trees are silently hurting.
* I support organic farming :)
* I participate in this blog action day for the environment, hehe..
Oh my, I cannot think of anything more. I guess I need more environmental awareness. Anyway, I believe what I listed above, no matter how simple they are, will be of great help. Kindly suggest more practical ways on how to care for our environment…
"We don’t have a society if we destroy our environment.” Margaret Mead (1901-1978)
Caring for what the Lord has created manifests an enlightened understanding that we are just trustees and managers of what we have now. Everything we see and use comes from God the Creator, and we have nothing to claim as possession because we don’t own anything. We are born naked, and we’ll go back to Him naked as well.
The mountains, rivers, forests, air, trees, beaches, all good things from the Lord, are blessings given for our use, not for abuse. Whatever abuse that we make, the consequence will hound us, not only the present generation but also the future ones. No wonder we experience creepy disaster, weather change, heat waves, pollution, etc., all because of our negligence.
Of course, I count myself guilty, in one way or another, for the degradation of our environment. It may be my laxity in doing nothing to protect my environment, or worse, my direct, blatant participation in “raping” it for pleasure. But as a redeemed creature of the Lord, and everyone who shares the gift of salvation, we should care for our environment to show that we honor the Creator of these things, as we ourselves are created ones. Our participation in caring and loving our environment through concrete action marks our submission to the Lordship of our Creator, and that we value all things that He values. We are loving Him when we love the good things that He created.
I believe we can do many things in caring for our environment. But I like to mention what I AM doing personally as a simple step in caring for my environment, and I hope you find your way too in practically loving our environment. These may be minute actions, but definitely not futile:
* When I can’t find a trash to dispose my candy wrappers, or any other used materials for that matter, I put them on my pocket, and throw these off when I find one.
* Though I love chewing gums, I despise gluing it anywhere.
* I refuse to put my purchased products in a plastic anymore when I can just put it on my bag, or when I will use it right away. Never mind the tender who looks at me bizarrely.
* I don’t smoke. I breathe smoke, hahaha. (RA 8749 or Philippine Clean Air Act of 1999)
* I segregate my trash (Republic Act 9003 or the Ecological Solidwaste Management Act of 2000 :)
* I don’t cross “over the bakod”. Trees are silently hurting.
* I support organic farming :)
* I participate in this blog action day for the environment, hehe..
Oh my, I cannot think of anything more. I guess I need more environmental awareness. Anyway, I believe what I listed above, no matter how simple they are, will be of great help. Kindly suggest more practical ways on how to care for our environment…
"We don’t have a society if we destroy our environment.” Margaret Mead (1901-1978)
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Delayed Contemplation
“I don’t consider my boarding house as my mission field.” This premature statement I uttered in one Bible study is contradictory of what the Bible is saying about becoming salt and light of the world. I said that out of sincerity since I really don’t make efforts to reach out to my boardmates for I don’t spend considerable time in my boarding house. They just see me on evenings most of the times.
I forgot that it’s not only the time spent or the efforts exerted where I can minister to them. I was once a college student and I believe I could minister to them in other special ways. My life itself is testimony, a living epistle that can either put down or bring praise to the name I bear. They can either see Christ in me, or his extreme opposite.
Whenever they have their drinking spree, which I used to indulge before, I am always at the refusal point. I welcome their offers but I never accept it, so far. Yes, sometimes, I want to join them, my flesh warring with my spirit, but I thought one mistake can lead to another one, and I don’t want to put in disgrace the name I bear. I have to be firm with my conviction; I know they might think of me as indifferent, but I am not accountable to them. It’s the Lord I please.
The Lord puts me where I can grow and minister to people around me. My mission field is wherever the Lord leads me. If it seems the field is ominously dark, the light in me, how minute it may be, can still diffuse its sparkle. Oh the sparkle, lately we’re talking about the “sparks” of being a servant-leader of Christ, and yes, it hurts when people around us, especially the lost one, cannot see any “sparkle” in us. But this should serve as a challenge to all light bearers to keep their light shine and their fire aflame.
Sincerity in my utterance is immaterial if it’s not truth-driven. This delayed contemplation is better than never. :) †
I forgot that it’s not only the time spent or the efforts exerted where I can minister to them. I was once a college student and I believe I could minister to them in other special ways. My life itself is testimony, a living epistle that can either put down or bring praise to the name I bear. They can either see Christ in me, or his extreme opposite.
Whenever they have their drinking spree, which I used to indulge before, I am always at the refusal point. I welcome their offers but I never accept it, so far. Yes, sometimes, I want to join them, my flesh warring with my spirit, but I thought one mistake can lead to another one, and I don’t want to put in disgrace the name I bear. I have to be firm with my conviction; I know they might think of me as indifferent, but I am not accountable to them. It’s the Lord I please.
The Lord puts me where I can grow and minister to people around me. My mission field is wherever the Lord leads me. If it seems the field is ominously dark, the light in me, how minute it may be, can still diffuse its sparkle. Oh the sparkle, lately we’re talking about the “sparks” of being a servant-leader of Christ, and yes, it hurts when people around us, especially the lost one, cannot see any “sparkle” in us. But this should serve as a challenge to all light bearers to keep their light shine and their fire aflame.
Sincerity in my utterance is immaterial if it’s not truth-driven. This delayed contemplation is better than never. :) †
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Alone (but not lonely) "with" Disturbia
Twice this week that I was able to watch movies out of the thoughtfulness of a comrade through his spare complimentary tickets. I had to monitor an advertisement by the government if it’s being aired at the cinema, in return. I grabbed the ticket, because I also wanted to watch, and it’s my time to unwind after last week’s tedious travel in the awesome Benguet mountains, I thought. I joined the team of the regional committee for the welfare of children in site validation for the implementation of the early childhood care and development program, checking if the local government units are pursuing their proposed investment plans for the protection, survival, development and needs of the children. I hope I could share more stories about my 4-day mountain escapades :)
Going back, I didn’t mind going alone at the cinema, for I usually do it being an introvert. (It’s a given hint to somebody who wants to find out how boring your life would be in my company, hahaha…seriously kidding). So I proceeded to the cinema house alone, and I was welcomed by empty seats at both chambers. That was my first ever experience to watch a movie with an audience I could count with my fingers. Even if I include the roaming guard and the lady attendant, the number would still be countable within ten seconds, still an overstatement I guess. And mind you, it’s not even a last full show.
And what do you think I did that night? Of course, I sat comfortably, laid my back like a boss, and enjoyed my solitude with SM’s silver screen. The show must go on, haha. I just considered it an exciting yet peculiar experience, watching alone a suspense-thriller genre, with characters spying others and bloody-hell scenes in succession. Don’t get me wrong and don’t worry, the Uses and Gratification theory is no work on me :)
I went home walking and chuckling with my uncanny experience, while breathing in and out the misty bliss of Baguio in a cold, lonely night, that was tooooo lovely to resist. hmmm :) †
Going back, I didn’t mind going alone at the cinema, for I usually do it being an introvert. (It’s a given hint to somebody who wants to find out how boring your life would be in my company, hahaha…seriously kidding). So I proceeded to the cinema house alone, and I was welcomed by empty seats at both chambers. That was my first ever experience to watch a movie with an audience I could count with my fingers. Even if I include the roaming guard and the lady attendant, the number would still be countable within ten seconds, still an overstatement I guess. And mind you, it’s not even a last full show.
And what do you think I did that night? Of course, I sat comfortably, laid my back like a boss, and enjoyed my solitude with SM’s silver screen. The show must go on, haha. I just considered it an exciting yet peculiar experience, watching alone a suspense-thriller genre, with characters spying others and bloody-hell scenes in succession. Don’t get me wrong and don’t worry, the Uses and Gratification theory is no work on me :)
I went home walking and chuckling with my uncanny experience, while breathing in and out the misty bliss of Baguio in a cold, lonely night, that was tooooo lovely to resist. hmmm :) †
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Is Jesus sometimes hesitant to reveal who He really is?
Reflecting on the first miracle of Christ – the turning of water into wine (John 2:1-11) – I got hooked with Jesus’ hesitancy on proving His deity and glory to the people around him at once. During that wedding when the master had run out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to him “they have no more wine,” but Jesus’ statement “Why do you involve me, my time has not yet come” appeared to be antithetical at first. But the Lord had its course to involve in that shortage of wine. And in His directives, the servants obeyed Him, and the water turned into wine, His glory manifested, His sovereignty ruled, His power exemplified.
I know there are other truths and insights that we can absorb from this passage. And I’ll let you discover that on your own, for the Word of the Lord speaks afresh in unique ways, individually.
Sometimes, people sense the Lord is not concerned with our affairs, with our problems, with our frustrations. We even set aside Him at the closet when all things are turning well, but when things get worse we begin to search Him and ask His help. How can we expect Him to involve in our affairs, when we ourselves isolate Him from the core? Could we expect God to lend a helping hand, when both our hands are holding something (or someone) else? To make it more personal, could I expect God to grant my request when I do the things that upset Him? But despite my inconsistencies, the Lord surprises me always, proving time and again that he is gracious and never disowns His faithfulness.
I never searched God actually; He found me, and to be found by Him is my forever gratitude. The Lord can actually save and bring us instantly to the perfect relationship human had enjoyed before. But man rebelled against Him, persistently choosing his own way, and thus sin enters the humanity, making us all polluted, corrupted, and condemned. Yet, the Lord never forsakes us. He gave Christ, His only begotten Son, for our redemption, and those who believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. He did His part, and He is just waiting for us, for you, to come to Him.
When it seems the Lord is hesitant to reveal himself to you, trust Him more, his hands, his heart. Maybe He is not the one who is hesitant, but you. Just come to Him, and He will accept you. I guarantee you :) †
I know there are other truths and insights that we can absorb from this passage. And I’ll let you discover that on your own, for the Word of the Lord speaks afresh in unique ways, individually.
Sometimes, people sense the Lord is not concerned with our affairs, with our problems, with our frustrations. We even set aside Him at the closet when all things are turning well, but when things get worse we begin to search Him and ask His help. How can we expect Him to involve in our affairs, when we ourselves isolate Him from the core? Could we expect God to lend a helping hand, when both our hands are holding something (or someone) else? To make it more personal, could I expect God to grant my request when I do the things that upset Him? But despite my inconsistencies, the Lord surprises me always, proving time and again that he is gracious and never disowns His faithfulness.
I never searched God actually; He found me, and to be found by Him is my forever gratitude. The Lord can actually save and bring us instantly to the perfect relationship human had enjoyed before. But man rebelled against Him, persistently choosing his own way, and thus sin enters the humanity, making us all polluted, corrupted, and condemned. Yet, the Lord never forsakes us. He gave Christ, His only begotten Son, for our redemption, and those who believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. He did His part, and He is just waiting for us, for you, to come to Him.
When it seems the Lord is hesitant to reveal himself to you, trust Him more, his hands, his heart. Maybe He is not the one who is hesitant, but you. Just come to Him, and He will accept you. I guarantee you :) †
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Bluebook revisited
I was nervously excited last week’s midterm exam. I was nervous in the sense that I felt unequipped to take the exam for lack of review preparation, and excited because after a year I was again using the bluebook – a witness of my academic journey. My professor’s words “I expect a graduate essay” did not help much to ease my tension. I was just enlightened upon hearing that it would be in essay form. Teachers are more gracious in essay exam, I thought, based on my experience :)
The UP’s bluebook has been a silent spectator of my pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. I experienced both failure and euphoria with the result of my exams. But never in my college life that I consider bluebook’s result as the prime indicator of someone’s intellect. Though I believe in the concept of excellence, aiming for it would be my lifetime struggle. I am a certified patient of this disease called cramming, and this is where I usually abuse the grace of the Lord. Avoiding it is also my favorite resolution which has never been absolutely phased out in my discipline. This is beyond a graduate school’s requirement, and when I surpass this I will definitely end up excellent in my graduate studies for the glory of God. More power to me :)
I finished the test before the time expired, but I was still the last exam taker. My classmates were better off with their answers, I thought. Then my professor gave the result of my first critical paper, and all I did was to praise the Lord for the grade of 2, the lowest grade, I suspect, for his standard. Though I was in remorse state because I got the lowest mark, this challenged me to do better next time. There was no one to blame but myself, my procrastination.
I walked away affirming that God has been good to me, so good that His grace enough for that day had been abused by me. “How long, O Lord, will You tolerate me?” With the glorious riches of His grace and mercies, I am afraid though with the consequence of my action… †
The UP’s bluebook has been a silent spectator of my pursuit of wisdom and knowledge. I experienced both failure and euphoria with the result of my exams. But never in my college life that I consider bluebook’s result as the prime indicator of someone’s intellect. Though I believe in the concept of excellence, aiming for it would be my lifetime struggle. I am a certified patient of this disease called cramming, and this is where I usually abuse the grace of the Lord. Avoiding it is also my favorite resolution which has never been absolutely phased out in my discipline. This is beyond a graduate school’s requirement, and when I surpass this I will definitely end up excellent in my graduate studies for the glory of God. More power to me :)
I finished the test before the time expired, but I was still the last exam taker. My classmates were better off with their answers, I thought. Then my professor gave the result of my first critical paper, and all I did was to praise the Lord for the grade of 2, the lowest grade, I suspect, for his standard. Though I was in remorse state because I got the lowest mark, this challenged me to do better next time. There was no one to blame but myself, my procrastination.
I walked away affirming that God has been good to me, so good that His grace enough for that day had been abused by me. “How long, O Lord, will You tolerate me?” With the glorious riches of His grace and mercies, I am afraid though with the consequence of my action… †
Monday, September 03, 2007
Laconic Rest
After my Saturday class, I was up to go home in Pangasinan to see my family. But I seemed to be chasing after time since it’s almost 6:30pm, and I should be in Dagupan on or before 8pm, the last trip for me to reach home. By then, I was experientially calculating the time if I could beat the last trip, or else, I would pay the tricycle ride with a fare higher than my fare from Baguio to Dagupan, plus the nuisances of wandering at night in a tranquil, imperturbable ambience of my beloved province. (Those who hail from the provinces can attest that the night mode differs in urban cities).
I was also thinking of my laundry works, the church service, the short time that I would be spending when I get home, etcetera, but I was reminded that it’s almost a month now since I saw my family. And that urge to see them made me a risk taker once again. Stop explaining and making sense of everything, I said to myself. Don’t let circumstances, even the rain, hinder me to do things I want and love to do, I thought.
When it’s time for the van to move, I just uttered a short prayer of asking God His traveling mercies. And I took a nap, expecting that I would be asleep right away, so that I wouldn’t mind the passing time. And the Lord provided the last bus, with more empty seats waiting to be filled up. Praise the Lord! I reached home by 9:30pm, awaking my mother to her surprise that I was home (I didn’t text them by the way that I would go home:)), and we began chit-chatting tersely. Then the night covered the night…hehehe
Sunday was a rest day indeed. My time with my family was a refreshing break from my ever-loaded routine in Baguio. Though I stayed only one night and 12 hours at home, I appreciate the ‘breathing’ the Lord gave that time. I have also put myself in contemplation whether by next year, I would move on serving and working here in the Urduja land. To wait is the answer, I believe.
I traveled back to Baguio late Sunday night. I was welcomed both by the misty bliss of Baguio and my board mates having their drinking spree. They’re having an interesting discourse over the statement: “In every answer, there’s a question, and vice-versa.” I thought before sleeping ahead, “at least, they’re talking philosophically and in quest of truth and answers.” †
I was also thinking of my laundry works, the church service, the short time that I would be spending when I get home, etcetera, but I was reminded that it’s almost a month now since I saw my family. And that urge to see them made me a risk taker once again. Stop explaining and making sense of everything, I said to myself. Don’t let circumstances, even the rain, hinder me to do things I want and love to do, I thought.
When it’s time for the van to move, I just uttered a short prayer of asking God His traveling mercies. And I took a nap, expecting that I would be asleep right away, so that I wouldn’t mind the passing time. And the Lord provided the last bus, with more empty seats waiting to be filled up. Praise the Lord! I reached home by 9:30pm, awaking my mother to her surprise that I was home (I didn’t text them by the way that I would go home:)), and we began chit-chatting tersely. Then the night covered the night…hehehe
Sunday was a rest day indeed. My time with my family was a refreshing break from my ever-loaded routine in Baguio. Though I stayed only one night and 12 hours at home, I appreciate the ‘breathing’ the Lord gave that time. I have also put myself in contemplation whether by next year, I would move on serving and working here in the Urduja land. To wait is the answer, I believe.
I traveled back to Baguio late Sunday night. I was welcomed both by the misty bliss of Baguio and my board mates having their drinking spree. They’re having an interesting discourse over the statement: “In every answer, there’s a question, and vice-versa.” I thought before sleeping ahead, “at least, they’re talking philosophically and in quest of truth and answers.” †
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